AFK a sec guys -- wife aggro
by Amanda Rivera 
May 16th 2007 at 8:42AM
When Ryan wrote in suggesting we write about the concept of "wife aggro," a collective roar erupted over here at WoW Insider. The resulting conversation was both stimulating and more than a little silly, and in the end I decided if we can discuss this topic so profusely amongst ourselves, our readers certainly would benefit from us writing on the topic.
A couple of weeks ago several people in our guild started using the phrase "wife aggro" or "girlfriend aggro" as explanations why they had to AFK or log out of the game entirely. Now, being of that oh-so-rare female gamer demographic, I really took exception to this phrase, but it wasn't until four days ago when I actually spoke up to my guildies about how I felt.
In our guild, this phrase has only been used to describe that unreasonable rage that gaming appears to instill in women when their significant other plays WoW. Whenever I hear someone say "wife aggro" in a group my eyes haze over and I suddenly fill with righteous indignation faster than a paladin in a graveyard. I guess for me it comes down to an admitted oversensitivity to gender issues in game. Being female, I hate the insinuation that women are somehow these great raging beasts just waiting for the unsuspecting gamer to naively sit down and log into the game, only to wear our intrepid hero down with their Nagging-Over-Time abilities. And so I explained this to my guildies, letting them know they are certainly allowed to speak how they like, but that I more than likely will react badly to it.
Now I have heard of other guilds expanding the use of the term "aggro" to include anything that pulls you away from the game, including email, screaming kids, and cookies. I suppose, looking at it from this angle, my greatest issue these days is "WoW Insider aggro."
Filed under: Analysis / Opinion, Virtual selves
Reader Comments (Page 4 of 6)
flor May 16th 2007 2:19PM
@57
men trying to score points with their girl friends by posting in a thread....
and suddenly wowinsider is the new myspace
Maedhras May 16th 2007 2:26PM
"You will never understand why this offends us"
Explain to me in a sensible, logical way and maybe I will understand ("You guys compare women to mobs!" is neither sensible nor smart).
As others have said, the term "Husband aggro" does not offend me. I find it humorous. Get a grip.
There is plenty of gender injustice to be offended at in the world. Please save your energy for inequalities and double standards that matter, not WoW terminology. You're just coming out the fooler of the two genders right now. I will not help you fight the use of the term waggro. I will however, do everything in my power to help you put a representative number of women in positions of power throughout the world.
Burgdorn May 16th 2007 2:29PM
I wouldn't get to over sensitive about the issue of Wife agro being a term used by the male gamers. I mean for a long time you didn't see that many girl gamers in this field so men a relatively use to it just being the guys and the occasional girl. I've also heard some women in my guild say that they are getting hubby agro, and their hubbies don't even play WoW. So it can go both ways as you stated.
Agro is agro and comes in many shapes and forms.
Lilith May 16th 2007 2:48PM
@60 Aggro means aggressiveness and is attributed to a mob turning it's attention to you for the purpose of knocking your HP down. In otherwords, to attack you. Obviously, "wife aggro" doesn't literally mean that someone's wife is hell bent on taking that poor sap of a husband out for a face bashing. But it does have a negative connotation for some. That's all.
Husband aggro would not be insulting because gender bias leans more in favor of men and male aggressiveness. It's might be seen as a more positive and masculine term than "wife aggro" which implies something negative.
No one is saying that the term should be irradicated. Some of us think it's a distasteful term that we tolerate. Sorry, that opinions like these are somehow mentally scaring you via the majesty of the intarwebz. You should get a grip and see these comments for what they are, a discussion of a topic. We are not here to debate issues you (in particular) feel are more relavent.
Gweedo May 16th 2007 2:49PM
You shouldn't be so offended. Hand-in-hand with wife agro is WIFE FACTION which is a rep we continually grind for the epic loot.
Maedhras May 16th 2007 2:52PM
Lilith,
Nothing you (or anything on the internet) say will ever scare me, rest assured.
I'm just trying to help you here: you are offended, and I'm telling you it's not worth being offended (nor is it meant to be offensive when coming from someone like me). I agree it's your opinion, and if being offended makes you happy then go for it.
Cheers
Wintermute May 16th 2007 3:00PM
@39. Please tell me how I'm oversensitive for stating my opinion of your opinion? I'm not over here sitting in a corner crying because someone found an innocuous term offensive. I'm just saying that, as part of a minority group, don't you think there's more dire things you could be concerned about than a good-natured rib?
@42. Nice, I have to appreciate you generalizing two groups in one statement: gamers as virgins with no idea how to interact with women, and women as all being humorless prudes.
For the record, I checked with my girlfriend and girl friends about this issue, and they were much less diplomatic in their responses than most of the guys here have been. :-)
Lilith May 16th 2007 3:05PM
@Maedhras
You are trying to help me see your point of view, and I was trying to help you see mine. Cheers mate, make sure to tell me how to think on the next controversial topic so I don't speak out of turn and misrepresent my gender once again!
BoBoTheChimp May 16th 2007 3:06PM
All I got to say is if you are going to play a game dominated by men, there are some things that are just inevitable. If you don't like it, go play DDR or something. Saying "wife aggro" is in no way demeaning or degrading or whatever to women. It's simply a comical way of describing a situation. When a man isn't paying attention to his wife, she will nag. She has every right and reason to just as he has every right and reason to be aggrivated by it, or to describe it in a funny way. That is just the way things are. I personally have set aside the hours of 7pm to 12am as my "WoW time" where my fiancée is at work and doing her thing. No fiancée aggro is to be had except for the occasional call, where I am happy to answer and hear her sexy voice and take a breather from the game. It seems to work out that she calls me when I'm on a gryphon flight or something so it all works out in the end.
Take that feminazis ;)
::tips hat::
Maedhras May 16th 2007 3:22PM
Lilith,
You're not misrepresenting, quite the contrary.
And you're welcome.
EvilCheese May 16th 2007 3:29PM
QQ.
What happened to having a sense of humor? I mean somebody COULD type out, "Sorry guys, I have to depart from my keyboard for an unspecific period of time, because my wife wishes for me to do some chores around the house." Or, "AFK wife aggro." Hmmm.
I always type "x aggro" when I have to leave. Yesterday I aggroed a tornado, for instance (tornado siren started going off just minutes before raid...)
I don't see what the big deal is. Sure, you get aggro from enemies, but we're not talking about literal aggro in the sense of "AFK wife aggro" - it's just a, dare I say -clever- way of saying why you're going AFK as opposed to being some sort of negative statement about your wife or whatever it is you happened to have aggroed. Leave it to a blog post to attack people for not being boring politically correct r-tards.
Seriously, if this is issue is a gripe for anybody I encourage them to realize that they have it made in life.
Maedhras May 16th 2007 3:54PM
Dillon,
I think you just made it worse, friend.
Duane E May 16th 2007 3:57PM
@20
I had to Vanish, then Sprint to avoid the co-worker aggro after reading your comment.
BTW...maybe its just me, but "grinding wife aggro" sounds a bit perverted...
Anonymous May 21st 2007 11:50AM
@72
"BTW...maybe its just me, but "grinding wife aggro" sounds a bit perverted..."
Um.. I think that is the point. You know one of the activities husbands and wives do, and are supposed to do... right?
Joshua Tompkins May 16th 2007 4:08PM
Like you said at the end of your post, people use it to describe other things too like kid aggro and so forth, and you being a female gamer could say hubby aggro or boyfriend aggro if they wanted to interupt your gametime, forcing you to go afk. Its not really a bad thing, I don't mind stepping away when my wife wants or needs something, shes more important to me then WoW, but its still Wife Aggro none-the-less. She doesn't sit around "waiting" for me to play like you made wife aggro sound to be, but things do come up in the natural course of a day. Well thats just my 2 cents, now time to grab something else with "JTShadow aggro"
Bradley Nash May 18th 2007 9:27AM
Sounds like some people here need to learn the differences between girls and boys. (And I KNOW I am speaking in gross generalites, so you don't need to tell me. I'm not so stupid I don't realize there are some -probably many- exceptions) Simply put, girls are girly and boys are dirty. Think about it, most guys do nothing with their friends but talk shit. I know I do, the more I like you, the more I will make fun of you. Especially if you tell me your wife wants you to do something so you have to cancel your plans with me. Whether you are or are not, I will still call you whipped even if I know it's untrue. Case in point. Look at comments 57 and then 58. There's nothing wrong with the term wife aggro and personally I think it's funny as hell. Girls need to lighten up and realize it's just a joke and not be so sensitive to stupid boys and their silly jokes.
Duane E May 16th 2007 5:28PM
@73
Not married yet so I guess I didn't get that was the train of thought I was suppose to be on... My Bad.
Benz May 16th 2007 6:34PM
Sorry if it's been mentioned, but you folks do realize Wife Rep resets Daily right?
Guernia May 16th 2007 6:59PM
I guess I should stop using the phrase "toilet aggro" in case my toilet gets offended. I mean, it already has to put up with enough of my crap.
To those of you for whom "wife aggro" is offensive based on your own subjective and overly narrow interpretation of the meaning of the word "aggro", QQ. Those of us who take the word to have a wider meaning aren't going to watch our mouths just so you don't feel bad. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you're adults, try acting like one.
One of the things my mother taught me as a young'un when trying to determine if an action might offend or hurt someone else is to turn it around and see how I'd like it. So, I'm contemplating "husband aggro"... and I'm fine with it. It doesn't conjure up images of a red-faced half-drunken pot-bellied beer-swiller with bunched fists ready to pummel his wife into submission.
Get some perspective and get over yourselves.
Icarvs May 16th 2007 7:44PM
As a female gamer, I find no offense to the term "wife aggro". Nor would I find offense to the term "husband aggro", "kid aggro", or "cookie aggro". (I'm actually rather fond of cookie aggro, since it is so rare.)
Then again, I'm not the kind of female who deliberately looks at things from a perspective that presumes that society will support the idea that women are inferior and that the world is biased against them in all ways.
If the intent of the person using the term (AND the majority of the listeners/cohorts) is negative, tell them to take a flying leap and find new people. But seeing as how most people, myself included, see it as an entertaining and SHORT way of stating what's going on, get a grip.
These gamer boys (and men) are not trying to paint you in a negative light. They are not trying to let everyone know that their shrew of a wife is demanding they leave the computer. They are not trying to exercise their superiority over all vagina-owners with a pithy comment.
They're being silly.
Get over yourself and stop giving all female gamers such a stigma to overcome.
Sheesh.