AFK a sec guys -- wife aggro
When Ryan wrote in suggesting we write about the concept of "wife aggro," a collective roar erupted over here at WoW Insider. The resulting conversation was both stimulating and more than a little silly, and in the end I decided if we can discuss this topic so profusely amongst ourselves, our readers certainly would benefit from us writing on the topic.
A couple of weeks ago several people in our guild started using the phrase "wife aggro" or "girlfriend aggro" as explanations why they had to AFK or log out of the game entirely. Now, being of that oh-so-rare female gamer demographic, I really took exception to this phrase, but it wasn't until four days ago when I actually spoke up to my guildies about how I felt.
In our guild, this phrase has only been used to describe that unreasonable rage that gaming appears to instill in women when their significant other plays WoW. Whenever I hear someone say "wife aggro" in a group my eyes haze over and I suddenly fill with righteous indignation faster than a paladin in a graveyard. I guess for me it comes down to an admitted oversensitivity to gender issues in game. Being female, I hate the insinuation that women are somehow these great raging beasts just waiting for the unsuspecting gamer to naively sit down and log into the game, only to wear our intrepid hero down with their Nagging-Over-Time abilities. And so I explained this to my guildies, letting them know they are certainly allowed to speak how they like, but that I more than likely will react badly to it.
Now I have heard of other guilds expanding the use of the term "aggro" to include anything that pulls you away from the game, including email, screaming kids, and cookies. I suppose, looking at it from this angle, my greatest issue these days is "WoW Insider aggro."
Filed under: Analysis / Opinion, Virtual selves
Reader Comments (Page 4 of 6)
Gweedo May 16th 2007 2:49PM
You shouldn't be so offended. Hand-in-hand with wife agro is WIFE FACTION which is a rep we continually grind for the epic loot.
Maedhras May 16th 2007 2:52PM
Lilith,
Nothing you (or anything on the internet) say will ever scare me, rest assured.
I'm just trying to help you here: you are offended, and I'm telling you it's not worth being offended (nor is it meant to be offensive when coming from someone like me). I agree it's your opinion, and if being offended makes you happy then go for it.
Cheers
Wintermute May 16th 2007 3:00PM
@39. Please tell me how I'm oversensitive for stating my opinion of your opinion? I'm not over here sitting in a corner crying because someone found an innocuous term offensive. I'm just saying that, as part of a minority group, don't you think there's more dire things you could be concerned about than a good-natured rib?
@42. Nice, I have to appreciate you generalizing two groups in one statement: gamers as virgins with no idea how to interact with women, and women as all being humorless prudes.
For the record, I checked with my girlfriend and girl friends about this issue, and they were much less diplomatic in their responses than most of the guys here have been. :-)
Lilith May 16th 2007 3:05PM
@Maedhras
You are trying to help me see your point of view, and I was trying to help you see mine. Cheers mate, make sure to tell me how to think on the next controversial topic so I don't speak out of turn and misrepresent my gender once again!
BoBoTheChimp May 16th 2007 3:06PM
All I got to say is if you are going to play a game dominated by men, there are some things that are just inevitable. If you don't like it, go play DDR or something. Saying "wife aggro" is in no way demeaning or degrading or whatever to women. It's simply a comical way of describing a situation. When a man isn't paying attention to his wife, she will nag. She has every right and reason to just as he has every right and reason to be aggrivated by it, or to describe it in a funny way. That is just the way things are. I personally have set aside the hours of 7pm to 12am as my "WoW time" where my fiancée is at work and doing her thing. No fiancée aggro is to be had except for the occasional call, where I am happy to answer and hear her sexy voice and take a breather from the game. It seems to work out that she calls me when I'm on a gryphon flight or something so it all works out in the end.
Take that feminazis ;)
::tips hat::
Maedhras May 16th 2007 3:22PM
Lilith,
You're not misrepresenting, quite the contrary.
And you're welcome.
EvilCheese May 16th 2007 3:29PM
QQ.
What happened to having a sense of humor? I mean somebody COULD type out, "Sorry guys, I have to depart from my keyboard for an unspecific period of time, because my wife wishes for me to do some chores around the house." Or, "AFK wife aggro." Hmmm.
I always type "x aggro" when I have to leave. Yesterday I aggroed a tornado, for instance (tornado siren started going off just minutes before raid...)
I don't see what the big deal is. Sure, you get aggro from enemies, but we're not talking about literal aggro in the sense of "AFK wife aggro" - it's just a, dare I say -clever- way of saying why you're going AFK as opposed to being some sort of negative statement about your wife or whatever it is you happened to have aggroed. Leave it to a blog post to attack people for not being boring politically correct r-tards.
Seriously, if this is issue is a gripe for anybody I encourage them to realize that they have it made in life.
Dillon May 16th 2007 3:51PM
wow
talk about over-sensitive ...
When I played MUDs, where the term aggro *came* from, aggro was a value any npc could have. it meant they would attack on sight of the player. it was also the term used for hostile players/guilds that would hop into pvp as soon as they ran across you. that's the etymology, so loosen up.
Maedhras May 16th 2007 3:54PM
Dillon,
I think you just made it worse, friend.
Duane E May 16th 2007 3:57PM
@20
I had to Vanish, then Sprint to avoid the co-worker aggro after reading your comment.
BTW...maybe its just me, but "grinding wife aggro" sounds a bit perverted...
Joshua Tompkins May 16th 2007 4:08PM
Like you said at the end of your post, people use it to describe other things too like kid aggro and so forth, and you being a female gamer could say hubby aggro or boyfriend aggro if they wanted to interupt your gametime, forcing you to go afk. Its not really a bad thing, I don't mind stepping away when my wife wants or needs something, shes more important to me then WoW, but its still Wife Aggro none-the-less. She doesn't sit around "waiting" for me to play like you made wife aggro sound to be, but things do come up in the natural course of a day. Well thats just my 2 cents, now time to grab something else with "JTShadow aggro"
Battledrill May 16th 2007 5:25PM
The sad truth is that WOW is really heavy on the male. Things tend to work out that way. Now If we were playing K.D. Langs MMO it would be a totally different story like Partner Aggro. It's just the nature of the beast.
Duane E May 16th 2007 5:28PM
@73
Not married yet so I guess I didn't get that was the train of thought I was suppose to be on... My Bad.
Benz May 16th 2007 6:34PM
Sorry if it's been mentioned, but you folks do realize Wife Rep resets Daily right?
Guernia May 16th 2007 6:59PM
I guess I should stop using the phrase "toilet aggro" in case my toilet gets offended. I mean, it already has to put up with enough of my crap.
To those of you for whom "wife aggro" is offensive based on your own subjective and overly narrow interpretation of the meaning of the word "aggro", QQ. Those of us who take the word to have a wider meaning aren't going to watch our mouths just so you don't feel bad. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you're adults, try acting like one.
One of the things my mother taught me as a young'un when trying to determine if an action might offend or hurt someone else is to turn it around and see how I'd like it. So, I'm contemplating "husband aggro"... and I'm fine with it. It doesn't conjure up images of a red-faced half-drunken pot-bellied beer-swiller with bunched fists ready to pummel his wife into submission.
Get some perspective and get over yourselves.
Icarvs May 16th 2007 7:44PM
As a female gamer, I find no offense to the term "wife aggro". Nor would I find offense to the term "husband aggro", "kid aggro", or "cookie aggro". (I'm actually rather fond of cookie aggro, since it is so rare.)
Then again, I'm not the kind of female who deliberately looks at things from a perspective that presumes that society will support the idea that women are inferior and that the world is biased against them in all ways.
If the intent of the person using the term (AND the majority of the listeners/cohorts) is negative, tell them to take a flying leap and find new people. But seeing as how most people, myself included, see it as an entertaining and SHORT way of stating what's going on, get a grip.
These gamer boys (and men) are not trying to paint you in a negative light. They are not trying to let everyone know that their shrew of a wife is demanding they leave the computer. They are not trying to exercise their superiority over all vagina-owners with a pithy comment.
They're being silly.
Get over yourself and stop giving all female gamers such a stigma to overcome.
Sheesh.
Mel May 16th 2007 9:22PM
"Girlfriend aggro" drives me nuts. My bf used to say that - and I play significantly more WoW than he does. The last time he said that I REALLY gave him girlfriend aggro. He didn't like having to sleep in the garage and not getting sex for a week. He also didn't like not being able to log into the comp (MY comp!) during the whole time.
HA! *muargllllglllglll*
Krianna May 16th 2007 9:48PM
I'm with 9 and 11. I think you *are* being a little too sensitive, even though I can see where you may be coming from.
Maybe you should find a guild with more couples/ladies? Then you might see something besides "wife agro".
My fiancé and I both play, so we don't have that problem... much... but we do work on our rep grinds and he did a turn-in of a brand new gaming computer, so he's exalted for quite a while. ;^)
bluedew May 16th 2007 10:08PM
Wow.... seriously? less QQ more Pew Pew.
Samantha May 16th 2007 11:07PM
"When I played MUDs, where the term aggro *came* from, aggro was a value any npc could have. it meant they would attack on sight of the player. it was also the term used for hostile players/guilds that would hop into pvp as soon as they ran across you. that's the etymology, so loosen up."
QFT
Aggro is a negative thing. End. Saying you have a wider definition of it doesn't change what it means; it's like calling homosexuals the f-word and saying you mean it affectionately. It doesn't change what it means.
But this is like arguing to a brick wall. The kind of people who would say "wife aggro" are the kind who will catch wife aggro. Get off your computer and spend time with your loved ones. Log in to real life once in a while and your threat will decrease.
In my guild, we don't say "x aggro". If I'm going to dinner with my husband, I say I'm going to dinner with my husband. If I am going to the gym, I say I am going to the gym. I didn't catch husband aggro or tredmill aggro; they are not attacking or forcing me to do anything, and if I have to be forced to spend time with my husband or do my 12k run, then I'm spending too much time on a game.