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Bill Cosby's Wife Is Another Victim, Whether She Knows It Or Not


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- Lauren Messervey | HuffPost Canada
OK, hear me out, please.We all saw it happen. Fifty years' worth of abuse allegations against Bill Cosby began to surface in the year 2000. As the new millennium unfolded, 59 women came forward with stories that Cosby had either drugged them for the purpose of sex, touched them inappropriately or raped them. Cosby openly admitted to using qualudes on some of these women. When the trial started, this appeared to be an open and shut case, but as any woman who has been sexually abused will tell you, nothing is ever that simple. The jury was gridlocked. Even Cosby's admittance was not enough for them to come to a concrete decision on his guilt, so a mistrial was declared. Not so surprisingly, there has been a public uproar over the judge's "verdict."In the middle of it, Camille Cosby, Bill's faithful wife since 1964, released a statement condemning the judge and DA while affirming her support for her husband (You can find the full statement here.) Again, there was an uproar.Some on the Internet are calling Camille Cosby an "enabler" for throwing aside the rape allegations and standing with her husband. There are even people who are saying that Camille is justifying her husband's sick behaviour by continuing her support of him during his trial. There may be some truth to this. After all, what kind of person would continue to love a man who irreparably destroyed so many other women's lives?As a woman who has been raped, I can tell you that it's not always that simple. And if you're out to attack Camille Cosby, you're in the wrong witch hunt.Let me first say that in no way am I insinuating that any of the women allegedly abused by Cosby deserve the treatment that they have had, nor do I have any reason to disbelieve them. In my mind, 59 women can't be wrong, but at the same time, I have (dare I say) some sympathy for Camille's position. Although she is a large part of the reason why men like Bill Cosby get away with sexual assault, the wife of an abuser will always find themselves in a complex and painful situation.Actor and comedian Bill Cosby departs after a judge declared a mistrial in his sexual assault trial at the Montgomery County Courthouse in Norristown, Penn., June 17, 2017. (Photo: Charles Mostoller/Reuters)I think about it in terms of the Titanic. When the movie came out, people gave a lot of thought as to what it would be like being trapped on a sinking ship. Of course, we'd all like to say that we'd be heroes. We'd be the first person to help the frail old lady into one of the only remaining lifeboats, or that we'd volunteer to stay behind while we give up our seat to a child. The reality of the situation is this: when faced with a moment of complete panic and crisis, we might be one of the ones to push the other passengers overboard in order to save our own lives. Everyone's a hero in their own mind, right?I'd like to think that I'd be one of the brave ones when the Titanic started to founder, but I very well could have been launched into a fight or flight mentality instead. (I don't know. I wasn't on the Titanic). It therefore becomes very easy for all of us to judge a person based on their decision to shove a child out of the way in order to get to the last lifeboat. But again, be realistic: you weren't there, so you can't say for sure that you wouldn't have done differently.Crisis and love are two things that make human beings act like animals. A person faced with a traumatic situation may lash out like a starved tiger. A person in love may do something, anything, for the person they love most without thinking about the repercussions. The primal instinct of preservation is a very funny thing. Camille Cosby is dealing with a deadly double cocktail of love and trauma.Bill Cosby, with wife Camille Cosby on his side, arrive at Montgomery County Courthouse for the sexual assault trial's second week, in Norristown, Penn., on June 12, 2017. (Photo: Bastiaan Slabbers/NurPhoto via Getty Images)Imagine for a moment what it would be like if someone told you that your husband, your son, your father, your brother, or your best friend of decades had sexually assaulted countless women. You would be in denial, right? I mean, you know that person so well, they've always been so wonderful, they have a big heart, they've always been there for you, they couldn't possibly... right? Take a moment and realize how difficult it would be for you to believe that someone you truly loved with your whole heart is guilty of rape?I can imagine that Camille Cosby is still in shock. Barring that she had some involvement in any of these cases (and I pray that she does not), she is probably in a state of disbelief. To her, her husband has been her rock. More than likely, the only thing that she can do to save her from seeing the last 50 years of her life as a complete lie is to cast her blame on the judge, the District Attorney, and the women who accused her husband. And I feel for her.As a victim, as a woman who was not believed, as someone who has had to live with the trauma of being abused for the better part of a decade, I really feel for Camille Cosby right now. What horror would she have to face in admitting that 59 women can't be wrong? Not only is she emotionally tied to Bill Cosby, but she's also tied to him financially. Breaking away from her husband would be a nightmare, in more ways than one. How do you even begin to deal with that?
Set your sights on the guy who drugged the victims, not the woman who is buried in denial.
There are limited lifeboats. The ship is going down and you don't have time to think or react. Camille Cosby is trying to save herself, and as much as we'd like to think that we'd be the selfless hero instead, who are we to say that we wouldn't shove our way to the last lifeboat with her?If you're going to launch a tirade against someone, launch it against who's really at fault here. Set your sights on the guy who drugged the victims, not the woman who is buried in denial. Although Camille Cosby isan enabler to some degree, but we don't know what's lurking behind the Cosby shadows. Unless she was present at the crimes, she is just another kind of victim, whether she knows it or not. Bill Cosby, in all his decimated glory, is the one who deserves to take the fall.I imagine that Camille Cosby is going to have a lot more to deal with soon enough. Let's leave her to it. One day, she'll find out that whatever lies buried will be exhumed. And that is far worse than anything the public could spit out at her right now.
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Bill Cosby Over The Years

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  • Bill Cosby - USN
    Description en:Bill Cosby | Bill Cosby | Source James E. Wise, Jr., and Anne Collier Rehill, Stars in Blue: Movie Actors in America's ...
  • Robert Culp, Bill Cosby
    FILE - This undated file photo originally released by NBC shows Robert Culp, left, and Bill Cosby starring as a team of American agents in the 1960's television series, "I Spy." Culp, the versatile actor who teamed with Cosby in the groundbreaking comedy-adventure TV series and was Bob in the critically acclaimed sex comedy "Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice," died Wednesday, March 24, 2010. He was 79. (AP Photo/NBC)
  • Bill Cosby 1965.JPG
    Description Publicity photo of Bill Cosby from the television program I Spy. | Source http://www. ebay. Actor-Comedian-Bill-Cosby-/160744370019? ...
  • Bill cosby 1969.JPG
    org/wiki/File:Bill_cosby_1969. JPG Bill cosby 1969. JPG, before it was transferred to Commons. Upload date | User | Bytes | Dimensions | ...
  • Bill Cosby Rupert Crosse Beah Richards Bill Cosby Show 1970.JPG
    Description Photo of Bill Cosby as Chet Kincaid with Rupert Crosse and Beah Richards from the television program The Bill Cosby Show. | ...
  • Bill Cosby Don Knotts New Bill Cosby Show 1973.JPG
    Description Photo from the television program The New Bill Cosby Show. In this skit, Don Knotts sings as Bill Cosby strums a bass. | ...
  • Dick Van Dyke Bill Cosby.JPG
    Description Photo of Dick Van Dyke and Bill Cosby from a Cosby NBC television special. | Source http://www. ebay. Dyke-Meets-Bill-Cosby- ...
  • Phylicia Rashad
    FILE - In this 1992 file photo originally released by NBC, Phylicia Rashad, portraying Clair Huxtable, left, talks on the telephone while Clarice Taylor, portraying Anna Huxtable, center, and Bill Cosby, portraying Dr. Cliff Huxtable and Raven Symone portraying Olivia, right, look on in a scene from "The Cosby Show." Why settle for one great mom when, as any TV viewer knows, you can adopt a series of them? AP Television Writer Lynn Elber chooses five of the best sit com moms, from the demure 1950s version to the freewheeling 21st-century incarnation. The character of Clair Huxtable remained a calm center of a whirlwind of activity, while tending to a legal career and caring for her five children and "big kid" husband. (AP Photo/NBC, file)
  • Bill Cosby (left) production assistant (center) Ginna Marston (right)
    Description 1 On the TV set in Astoria, Queens, where director Bobby Sheehan is working with Bill Cosby (left) to film a public service ...
  • Bill Cosby and Quan Cosby.JPG
    description 1 Painting giving to Bill Cosby from Nunez and en:Quan Cosby | Quan Cosby | date 2009-04-25 23:51:10 | source | author Nunezart ...
  • Bill Cosby, Dustin Pedroia
    FILE - In this July 10, 2009, file photo, Boston Red Sox second baseman Dustin Pedroia, left, laughs as he jokes with comedian Bill Cosby while sitting in the dugout prior to a baseball game against the Kansas City Royals at Fenway Park in Boston. (AP Photo/Charles Krupa, File)
  • 9th Annual TV Land Awards - Show
    NEW YORK, NY - APRIL 10: Bill Cosby accepts the Impact Award for 'The Cosby Show' with (L-R) actor Malcolm-Jamal Warner, presenter Stevie Wonder, actors Raven-Symone and Sabrina LeBeauf onstage at the 9th Annual TV Land Awards at the Javits Center on April 10, 2011 in New York City. (Photo by Larry Busacca/Getty Images)
  • TODAY
    In this image released by NBC, singing sensation Susan Boyle, left, cuddles with actor-comedian Bill Cosby during an appearance on the "Today" show, Wednesday, Nov. 2, 2011 in New York. (AP Photo/NBC, Peter Kramer)
  • Bill Cosby
    Comedian and University of Massachusetts graduate Bill Cosby huddles with members of the Massachusetts team during the coin toss before their NCAA college football game against Indiana in Foxborough, Mass., Saturday, Sept. 8, 2012. (AP Photo/Stephan Savoia)
  • Tempestt Bledsoe Visits "Late Night With Jimmy Fallon"
    NEW YORK, NY - JANUARY 04: Bill Cosby and Tempestt Bledsoe visit 'Late Night With Jimmy Fallon' at Rockefeller Center on January 4, 2013 in New York City. (Photo by Theo Wargo/Getty Images)
  • Bill Cosby, Regina Carter
    Bill Cosby, right, jokes with Regina Carter about her violin during the opening night concert of the SFJAZZ Center Wednesday, Jan. 23, 2013 in San Francisco. The 700-seat, specially designed concert hall nestled in the heart of the city's arts district attracted a crowd of hundreds with a high-energy, inaugural celebration emceed by Bill Cosby. Billed as the first freestanding building in the West built for jazz performance and education, the center opened Wednesday after raising more than $60 million over more than a decade to build a home for SFJAZZ, the nonprofit that puts on the city's jazz festival. (AP Photo/Eric Risberg)
  • The Jackie Robinson Foundation Annual Awards' Dinner
    NEW YORK, NY - MARCH 04: Dr. Bill Cosby speaks onstage at the The Jackie Robinson Foundation Annual Awards' Dinner at the Waldorf Astoria Hotel on March 4, 2013 in New York City. (Photo by Stephen Lovekin/Getty Images for The Jackie Robinson Foundation)
  • 55th Anniversary Of Ben's Chili Bowl
    WASHINGTON, DC - AUGUST 22: Jesse Jackson and Bill Cosby speak during the 55th Anniversary of Ben's Chili Bowl on August 22, 2013 in Washington, DC. (Photo by Kris Connor/Getty Images)
  • New York Yankees v Boston Red Sox
    BOSTON, MA - SEPTEMBER 13: Actor Bill Cosby gestures to the crowd before throwing out the first pitch prior to the game between the Boston Red Sox and the New York Yankees on September 13, 2012 at Fenway Park in Boston, Massachusetts. (Photo by Jared Wickerham/Getty Images)
  • New York Yankees v Boston Red Sox
    BOSTON, MA - SEPTEMBER 13: Actor Bill Cosby throws out the first pitch prior to the game between the Boston Red Sox and the New York Yankees on September 13, 2012 at Fenway Park in Boston, Massachusetts. (Photo by Jared Wickerham/Getty Images)
  • Bill Cosby
    Comedian Bill Cosby delivers a ceremonial first pitch prior to a baseball game between the New York Yankees and the Boston Red Sox, Thursday, Sept. 13, 2012, at Fenway Park in Boston. (AP Photo/Charles Krupa)
  • This Nov. 18, 2013 photo shows actor-comedian Bill Cosby in New York. Cosby will star in a new comedy special "Bill Cosby: Far from Finished," premiering Nov. 23, at 8 p.m. EST on Comedy Central. (Photo by Victoria Will/Invision/AP)

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