Would this be considered a still unlife? Onet of <Tainted> on Daggerspine-EU has decided that it's time to update his portrait to reflect his current appearance. After all, he's lost so much weight since he died. And he's got a nifty new hat. The bright colors really distract the eye from his rotting, gray, maggot-infested flesh. With this as his Facebook picture, he's sure to get all the undead ladies.

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Oh, damn it. Where are my keys? They were on my belt like two minutes ago. I swear, if that ghoul ran off with them again, I'm going to roast his spleen with almond slices and manchego cheese and serve it to my other minions. Hey! There they are! Just under the water. And ... now they're in the mouth of The World's Largest Mudfish ... surrounded by five electric eels. Great. Okay, anyone here have 350 lockpicking? I need someone to get the lock off my motorbike so I can fetch my fishing poles. (Thanks to Ariake of <Gravy Robbers> on Azgalor for this lesson on the dangers of Path of Frost!)

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Viradu of Ragnaros was simply trying to start a hunter alt when he stumbled across evidence of a horrifying crime. Five different orcs, each of a different class, were lying dead on the ground of Durotar. The corpses had been arranged in identical positions and dumped in a straight line. The Pween Scene Investigators were called, and after intensive testing on the bodies, they determined that the orcs had been dead for two to four hours and tasted delicious with hot sauce. Authorities have not identified a suspect, but believe that the murderer may suffer from a serious mental condition known as "altaholism."

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The Westfall Brigade might need more constructive ways to occupy their time. When Jaeren of <I Shoulda Been Horde> on Rexxar pulled Vengeful Bambina over to their camp, the Brigade went to town on the poor deer, who just stood there while the guards hacked away in a futile effort to kill the immortal fawn. See, the Horde doesn't have these kinds of problems. At least, not since the Royal Apothecary Society deployed their Chronic Wasting Disease catapults.

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The latest installment of Walhtor of The Underbog's "Series of Embarassingly Avoidable Deaths" is available for purchase. Entitled Drowning in Shallow Water, it features Walhtor's bloated, humiliated corpse drifting pathetically under the waves. It joins previous offerings Fell Off Teldrassil While Auto-Running, Accidentally Right-Clicked the Horde Flight Master, and Went AFK in Contested Territory and Was Slowly Beaten to Death by a Level 15.

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Note to all you Americanos out there -- be careful with your Independence Day fireworks! Otherwise you'll end up like Bilirubin of Daggerspine, disintegrated so thoroughly that the only thing left behind is your confused, jawless spirit, wondering what on earth just happened. Either that or you'll survive to explain to me and the other EMTs why you thought it was a good idea to operate a homemade mortar launcher after drinking a twelve-pack of Coors Light. The disintegrating-into-dust option would probably be more pleasant.

Do you have any unusual, beautiful or interesting World of Warcraft images that are just collecting dust in your screenshots folder? We'd love to see them on Around Azeroth! Sharing your screenshot is as simple as e-mailing aroundazeroth@gmail.com with a copy of your shot and a brief explanation of the scene. You could be featured here next!

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No one denies that trolls are naturally cannibalistic, or that they seem to spend half their time making war on other troll tribes. So how did they get to be one of the most populous races in Azeroth? Our submitter Fakawot accidentally discovered the answer to this question when fighting Broggok in Hellfire Citadel. The beholder boss mysteriously perished while trying to devour Fakawot alive. Trolls must secrete some sort of toxin, similar to that of the poison dart frog, that is deadly to everything but other trolls. I suspect it's some sort of potent combination of patchouli and bong water, but that's just a guess.

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Matt took this screenshot while leveling a tauren alt through Mulgore. I'm not sure if this is a bug or just a good angle, but it looks completely natural, as if the shadows themselves were encroaching on Thunder Bluff, feeding off the essence of all that is good and pure until the residents are nothing but shades of their former selves. Forgive me: I'm in a horror-movie mood ever since discovering that this abomination is apparently inhabiting the sewers under my favorite restaurant. (Warning! Link is not for those with weak stomachs or people who have recently played Dead Space and still have nightmares about amorphous blobs coming out of walls!)

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Long, long ago (college) in a galaxy far, far away (Wisconsin), my best friend and I came up with an interesting thought experiment. We would build an open-plan zoo, with plenty of different environments but no barriers between the exhibits. All the animals would be allowed to mingle, and we would let the food chain take its course. Who would be the true king of predators, the tiger or the polar bear? Could piranhas devour dolphins? And would a colony of fire ants be able to defeat a nest of killer bees? These are the sort of things you think about when you're a political science major, while the engineering and science students are busy learning useful things that will make them money. Soterios of <Better Than You> on Hydraxis has solved at least one of these hypothetical questions -- panthers will always defeat penguins. But what about penguins armed with assault rifles versus panthers with chainsaws?

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The Ironforge chapter of Gnomes Against Repression By Larger Entities (G.A.R.B.L.E.) is going to have a field day with this incident at the Midsummer Fire Festival. Roxxii of <Legacy of the Kirin Tor> on Velen just wanted to dress up in her summer finery and watch the pretty flames. Instead, she ended up being the focus of a cruel game of Burning Gnome Tetherball between a couple of summoned fire elementals, tied to the pole and forced to run in circles to keep from being burned. Those draenei shamans can get pretty Eredar-like after a couple of drinks.

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Hey! Watch it, dog. If you're thinking of doing to me what I saw you do to those other bushes near the wall, you better think twice. I'm dual-specced, baby. All I need is to cast Insect Swarm, Typhoon, and Wrath, and I've just given you the three things you fear most -- fleas, a bath, and an anesthesia-free neutering. (Thanks to Grza of <Karma Delivery Service> on Zangarmarsh for this pic from Naxx!)

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Helghan of <Fear and Loathing> on Greymane must have a sunny disposition, because all the plants are growing in his direction. Then again, all of these plants are dead. Maybe he should consider a prescription strength deodorant. I'm sure that Old Spice doesn't entirely cover that rotting flesh smell, and that can't be good for the local flora. Helghan tries to get himself off the hook by claiming that his level 80 tauren druid brother, Baracknroll, clawed all these plants to death while running him through a dungeon. Sure, blame it on the cat.

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Do you have any unusual, beautiful or interesting World of Warcraft images that are just collecting dust in your screenshots folder? We'd love to see them on Around Azeroth! Sharing your screenshot is as simple as e-mailing aroundazeroth@gmail.com with a copy of your shot and a brief explanation of the scene. You could be featured here next!

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Runasutaru the Insane of Wildhammer-EU is not amused by the frivolity of the Midsummer Fire Festival. "In the middle of all the festivities at this time of the year, most forget that the threat posed by the enemy still remains, not stopping for anything," she writes. "I was reminded of this after being tasked with the defeat of Lord Ahune. Picking up his Frostscythe, I decided to take a pause from all the excitement flying around in the air. Carefully selecting my gear for the best camouflage possible in Icecrown, I assumed a position near a bridge and started observing the movement of the army forming below me."

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The unofficial rainbow realm of Proudmoore held a Pride celebration on Saturday, and according to Riege of <The Tainted Ones>, the event went off without a hitch. "The after party at Booty Bay was the perfect end to a day of just enjoying the game," Riege wrote. "Alliance and Horde, gay and straight, ogre or human or gnome...it didn't matter. We were just a bunch of people who were having fun. How often does that happen?" But Riege, where are the feral druids? Everyone knows you can't have a good pride parade without bears. *rimshot*

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